FacebookTwitter  

Ph:(808)294-2910
speakout@pamchambers.com

“No one’s ever told me that before!”

Last Updated on Tuesday, 31 October 2017 09:16 Written by Pam Chambers Tuesday, 31 October 2017 09:16

When I give people feedback in my group classes, or one-on-one, they often say with surprise, “No one’s ever told me that before!” My response is, “I know.” Here are some examples:

“When you sit with your hands laced behind your head, you seem detached and unengaged.”

“When you stand with your ankles wrapped around each other, it makes you seem like a little girl.”

“When you raise the volume of your voice, you immediately seem more confident and credible.”

“When you give people at least three seconds of eye-contact, it compels them to listen more intently.”

We don’t get and give enough feedback. People are afraid of hurting our feelings, stepping on our toes, or over-stepping boundaries. And maybe you’ve trained people not to give you feedback by reacting defensively to it. The proper response to feedback is, “Thank you.” Let it sink in. Then you have three choices: use it, throw it away, or question it.

Learn More

“Please Hold your Questions Until the End.”

Last Updated on Sunday, 10 September 2017 11:41 Written by Pam Chambers Sunday, 10 September 2017 11:41

Have you ever heard a speaker say, “Please hold your questions until the end”? Here’s why that’s a bad idea:

  1. People who have a burning question on their mind are now distracted and are unlikely to fully grasp whatever comes next. Their learning is now halted.
  2. Unless they write their question down, they might forget what it was. What a shame that would be if the question were to have benefitted everyone present!
  3. When you ask your audience to be silent “until the end,” you create an unnatural relationship. In fact, you prevent a relationship from developing.
  4. You show that you are fearful of something. What? Losing track? Losing control? Running out of time? Not knowing the answer? Competent speakers have the tools and skill to prevent any and all of these possibilities.

If you are lucky enough to have a stimulated audience who has lots of questions, you may have to “praise and limit.” You might say, “I’m delighted that you are so interested! I want to be sure I cover what I promised, so let me take one more question now.”

Here is my final argument against “Hold your questions until the end:” Would you ask the same of a dining companion? “I thought you should be aware of my lunch rule: I will do all the talking until the final five minutes. Then YOU can ask questions or offer your opinion.” You’d be a very lonely diner indeed! Don’t be a lonely diner and don’t be a lonely speaker either.

Learn More

Take Command

Last Updated on Monday, 4 September 2017 02:01 Written by Pam Chambers Monday, 4 September 2017 02:01

 

“Marcie” is a new human resources specialist who leads monthly new employee orientation sessions. She feels intimidated when her boss is in the room observing her.

She asked me, “How can I prevent my boss from intimidating me?” I said, “Wrong question. The right question is, ‘How can I prevent myself from being intimidated?'”

This deceptively simple change of wording changes the focus. Instead of Marcie being a victim, she can now take charge.

There are several answers to her new and improved question, but here is my favorite:

Postion her boss as a helpful ally rather than a dreaded threat. She could say, “We are fortunate today to have Ms. Boss with us. Ms. Boss, later on in the session, I’d like to get your viewpoint about _______.”

Ms. Boss will feel flattered. You will have gained command of how to use her, to everyone’s best advantage.

 

 

 

 

Learn More